Shivani (macha) wrote,
Shivani
macha

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almost 5 months...

its been a hell of a trip coming here..

i cant believe i've been here almost 5 months and so busy that never stopped to think about writing in this journal.. the only place i can actually vent without being judged..

thanks to some guy who decided to send me a comment on an entry, did it occur to me that i still have this precious account and in a land where no one understands me or there are no others that are alike.. i have a page to write whatever i want.. freely..

everyone says, there's always a first time for everything..... how complicated can things be?? when things started to change initially, i never thought that i would not have an upper hand in a single decision.. my life seems to be controlled and i need to figure out a quick way to get it back .. i have never felt more helpless than this phase in my life.

I know that once im done here and head home or elsewhere, other things will interest me.. but i feel like im losing that power i have within.. the power i always felt inside, which no one is aware of and never will be... i dont think i have lost it.. i just think im not using all of it .. and its important that i start getting back on track.. soon..

even what most people fear at this point in their lives.. the question.. the BIG question.. was brought up in front of me.. and even thought it seems like a light serious thing.. will get more serious gradually.. i really need to sort out all these issues.. time is of great importance.. and when i finally get the chance to have some kind of stability, i hope these matters will fall into place.. they have to fall into place..
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